Supporting a Loved One

Have you ever noticed a loved one or friend struggling and felt that you wanted to help but didn’t know what to do or say? 

Seeing a loved one struggle can be incredibly painful, especially when you feel like you don’t know how to help. When it comes to mental health, knowing the best ways to offer support for your loved one can be hard. Here are a few suggestions to help equip you with some skills to support a friend or family member who may be struggling with mental or emotional issues:

1. Initially, letting your loved one know that you’ve noticed they may be having a hard time is a good place to start. By voicing your observations, you’re demonstrating to them that they matter to you. Say something like “It seems like you’ve been having a hard time lately, am I right?” or “Just checking in. I could be wrong, but you matter to me and I’ve noticed you might be feeling off lately”. It is up to your loved one to decide how much they are comfortable sharing with you, but letting them know you’re paying attention can go a long way in helping them feel seen. 
2. Try not to assume that you know what they are going through. Every person has a unique and personal story, and this includes how they experience their mental health. Rather than assuming you know what they feel, ask open ended questions such as “what is this like for you?” or “how long have you been feeling this way?”
3. Use good listening skills: get rid of distractions, don’t hijack the conversation and talk about yourself, try summarizing or paraphrasing what they said to make sure you understand them. If you aren’t sure, ask clarifying questions to clear up any misunderstandings. 
4. Let go of the idea that you need to fix the problem. It’s possible your loved one may ask you to help find a solution, but there are also times when they may just want you to come alongside them so they don’t feel so alone. If you aren’t sure whether they are looking for solutions or support, you could ask “would you like me to help you find solutions to this problem or just listen?” or “are we fixing or listening today?” or “would you like support or solutions?” 
5. Reach out to professionals or get connected with others who may have helpful information. There are a variety of support groups for family members of those struggling with their mental health, books, podcasts, websites, etc that could provide helpful information. It is okay to ask for resources to learn more. 
6. Finally, offer your support without expecting them to ask for it first. Telling someone “let me know if you need anything” is well intentioned, however a person struggling with their mental health may not be able to ask for what they need. Saying something like “would it be okay if I check in with you every once in a while?” (and following through on that commitment) takes the pressure off, and leaves space for good days and bad days too. 

Written by, Heather Sinclair 

Registered Provisional Psychologist